I so hate dial-up...

i actually had gotten off my lazy ass and had a pretty good post going when i was disconnected. really, i should hate AOL more. even after reading Nelle's 'Why You Should Cancel Yer AOL' blog, i have been too complacent to leave the bastards. well, no more. if anything, i'm gonna make AT&T my internet provider. sure, i know that there are cheaper ISPs out there, but AT&T Worldnet has a pretty good incentive for American Airlines frequent flyers - 500 miles a month. not great, but i may as well get something back for spending $21.95/mo. for internet service. moreover, it's still better than getting a mile per dollar spent on my credit card. and 6000 miles is still 6000 miles... i could use a few more to get the free ticket to Hawaii or the Caribbean. if i save up my miles, i may have enough for Europe or another trip to South America, this time next year.

anyway, before i was unceremoniously booted off, i was blogging about the dreaded annual xmas shopping season. i know that many people would rather get major dental work than face shopping during the holidays. personally, i abhor the crowds and parking mayhem as well...but i DO love shopping.

what is it about the giddy spending sprees that we embark (on) for our loved ones? is it the feel-good rush of finding that perfect gift for someone? nah. it's the fact that you fought off ten other people for that 75% off windbreaker at the break of dawn on the day after Thanksgiving. never mind that the colors of the windbreaker make yer loved one look like some psychotic Ringling Bros. escapee. by the way, that warm feeling you're experiencing is not from the season spirit either. it's actually coming from that third diet coke you had in the food court, which is ruining yer bladder lining as we speak. buying someone a $40 retail item for $10 reeks of glee, especially when that other $30 can be blissfully spent on yer selfish self.

i have a brother that would do shit like that. it really sucked because not only would he and his wife would scour the after xmas sales and buy HID-E-OUS things for the next christmas, but he is the favorite son as well. talk about a freakin' double whammy...our complaints would always fall on our parents' deaf ears. i distinctly remember getting two clothing items that made me cringe. one was a shirt that may have doubled for a vomit design; a blind person would have picked something nicer. another was a sweater that looked okay...provided that you overlooked the hole in the front and that it was a size too small. family christmases with that brother got to the point where he was complaining about having to buy so many gifts...this coming from a guy that makes a six figure salary - CHEAP ASS. what was even worse was that he and his wife would blow probably a grand or two on his in-laws. one year, we got our usual crap, while he bought his wife's sister and her husband $800 bikes EACH. we were so fucking tired of being treated like second class citizens or xmas afterthoughts.

the solution? we tried to even do the pick names and buy one really nice gift. of course, while everyone was spending a good $100 on the picked sibling, this brother still bought crap...valued between $30-$50. i thought i either had some xmas curse or that the 'game' was rigged when he picked my name two years in a row...WTF!

you know, it's not the money thing either. i really don't care what you spend, as long as you have put some thought into the gift and purchased something appropriate. the years they were buying $10 too small, blemished, vomit sweaters in the basement of May D&F, i would have been much happier with a gift certificate from Wal-Mart or Blockbuster...hell, just gimme the cash!

i guess shopping for the perfect xmas gift is one of my few good attributes ;) about september of every year, i turn on the ears and wait for someone to mention in casual conversation about how "I wish I had this" or "I really need to buy a..." you know, if people just listened a little more or even paid attention a bit to their surroundings, fewer gifts would be returned... and we wouldn't have to worry about beating the shit out of the fellow shopper for a discontinued dish set that's missing a plate and has chips and cracks because you and a fellow shopper dropped it in the massive struggle for control of the box.

so, we have now reached an agreement that they no longer have to buy gifts for anyone...nor will we have to waste our money on them. unfortunately, there's still one small stipulation that we just buy something for the kids. yep...even the childless ones couldn't get out of this one.

that's okay though. i don't mind buying xmas gifts for their children - they're so cute. i just adjust my hearing and buy some 'perfect' gift. what Highlands Ranch nine year-old niece wouldn't like the 25th anniversary edition of 'The Exorcist'? look, it even comes with a lifelike, split pea soup spewing, Linda Blair doll. and for my six year-old nephew, i got a phenomenal book on the Maya culture - in Spanish. so what's the problem? the fuss? i put some good thought into these gifts! hey, i would LOVE to get these for xmas! and besides, at least i paid RETAIL...sheeyit!