¡guácala!

means 'gross' in spanish...pronounced GWA-ca-la...easy on the 'g' though. best used when you're ready to say 'eeeewwwww' in english.

this came to mind because of Rachel's 'beer fart' tag. kinda funny though. makes me think of one of my college roommates, Scott. every time we were gettin' crazy with the alcohol...and he had to shoot a bunny...he'd run to the door or wall and try to plant one real good. sometimes too good. it was like shooting a gas cannon; when that boy shot bunnies, he'd bring a double barreled shotgun...with a hole to match ;)

of course, now that we're on the subject of stupid things you do when the beer takes over yer mind... i'm gonna tell you about how i nearly missed an art history final.

ya see, someone had rented a bus, gotten two kegs of beast (Milwaukee's Best), and planned a road trip to Royals stadium for a game between the Kansas City Royals and the Milwaukee Brewers...for 55 guys. well, the day of the game, much of Missouri had been under some serious rain. so, only sixteen of us decided to make the trip...but with the bus and kegs intact. and we all know that two kegs for sixteen college guys spells 't-r-o-u-b-l-e.'

well, i remember filling my 16 oz. tumbler (can't have it too big...gotta keep the beer flowin' cold) up to the keg - twelve times on the way to the stadium, which is less than two hours west of Columbia. yep, when we got to the parking lot, my middle name was 'sheeyit-faced.' or was it 'bloated bladder'?

i stumbled off the bus with my two roommates and actually made it into the stadium. either the security didn't care that i was drunker than Dean M*rtin or i was doin' some Academy Award winning material, 'CAUSE I WAS SLOSHED.'

we trudged up to the third level, where our seats were and looked out into the cold downpour; there was just a handful of people braving it. and there were SO many good seats that weren't filled.

as the brilliant students we perceived ourselves to be, we knew that we could go down to the first level and pretty much take our pick of prime seats. after all, it looked like the attendance for the game (if they just had a rain delay) might not even top out at 10,000, which was nothing, considering the capacity of Royals Stadium is around 41,000.

however, before we sauntered down there to select our 'seats with a view,' i decided to challenge Steve (who lived upstairs) to a race down the corridor, towards the escalators. he said 'let's do it!' thing is, while i was saying 'ready...set...go' i had already taken off before 'go.' I WUZ GONE!

so, i raced down the dark corridor with steve in hot pursuit. i remember cackling the whole time and looking back to see his face when i went from dry pavement in the corridor to SLICK pavement outside. yep...

i totally bit it...my feet came up from under me and i must've slid on my tailbone for a good twelve or fifteen feet (bouncing three or four times too), stopping about fifteen feet from the top of the escalator. good thing i didn't wipe out anyone else - woulda been ug-lee. and steve? his cowboy boot wearin' ass did the same thing and came to a stop about a second later...RIGHT next to me. yeah, stopped his yuk yukkin' too.

thoroughly embarrassed, we sheepishly scraped our asses off the pavement and found some killer seats downstairs. funny, i don't remember the searing pain of sitting down; the beer was such an effective numbing agent. we got through the rain delay...the game didn't start 'til after 9:00 and ended about 12:45. btw, just for the record, the Royals lost.

we made it back to Columbia and i nearly died from the evil pain. i did nothing but whimper the next day. my roommate said the bruise looked like someone had glued a ripe avocado on my tailbone...yeah, picture that!

luckily, i had a day in between the baseball game fiasco and my Delacroix art final. still, i don't think i ever finished a final SO fast in my life. i was twitching, tossing, and just about crying in that damn seat. i know everyone was labeling me as the new poster boy for hemorrhoids. really, i should've had someone take my picture when i turned that test in...i must've looked like some addict who had accidentally flushed his crack pipe down the toilet. oh man, that pain was tremendous!!!

and here i sit, 13.5 years later...telling the world about it. that's cool though...i still get a good laugh out of it :)

beer farts...feh