no freakin' wonder...

things have been strangely awry the past couple weeks for me, lois, and probably everyone around us (Dad's in the hospital, Denny's in a funk, Nelle is getting prize winners for clients, obnoxious moochers are finding their way into Rachel's cupboards, and Lois and Derbs have birthdays ;). yes, people, Mercury is retrograde...

here's an excerpt from Astroprofile.com... whoops, can't copy and paste on the page, so you had better click on the link and come back. aw, fuck it...i'll just type some of the details so you won't all hafta go back and forth. god knows there's enough confusion on this planet ;)

Mercury is retrograde...meaning it appears to move backward (in its rotation). this phenomena usually occurs 2-3 times a year for roughly a period of three weeks. Mercury retrograde times call for the rechecking of everything, the anticipation and planning ahead, and to relearn lessons unlearned since the last retrograde cycle (which was from 12/17/03 to 1/6/04).

It's a good time for review and completing ongoing projects. It is NOT a good time to start something new. Mercury energies involve the mind, mental processes, communication, travel, speaking, and writing.

Some of the things that Mercury retrograde times are notorious for:

* Communications go awry - phone calls, letters, e-mails, etc. are delayed, misinterpreted, blocked. Recheck everything like appointment times, spelling, wording, and your choice of words.

* Anticipate detours - memory lapses, confusion, failing to listen, failing to confirm, negotiation failures, or changing of plans.

*Avoid signing documents. Hopefully it can wait three weeks.

* Expect travel delays, car trouble, delayed flight schedules, "misplaced" reservations, or transportation difficulties of all kinds.

* Expect problems with messages, books, letters, magazines, documents, and even yer neighbors!

* Back up your computer files. This is a prime time for crap to happen!

* Expect the phone lines, cable lines, and power lines (you don't hafta tell Denny twice!) to have problems.

Steven Forrest, author of The Inner Sky, describes Mercury retrograde well: " Mercury retrograde isn't bad...it just takes some planning to cooperate with the energies. It's meant to be spent assimilating experiences, reviewing the past, and redoing, in general. Matter of fact, if you really want to get the most out of a Mercury retrograde, confine your activities as much as possible to those that have "re" attached to the beginning of the word. Reschedule appointments, repair vehicles, return to the past, rewrite documents and agreements, and so forth."

i don't take all of the above too seriously. however, i do believe that i must be influenced by this occurence (even you need to know your natal chart to be sure). whenever Mercury is retrograde, "weird shit always happens to me...like I am some huge SHIT magnet." - Margaret Cho.

really though. remember the asshole convenience store attendant? this nut didn't mention to us that he closed at 11PM, when we arrived at 10:58. all we wanted to do was use the john, and fill our tank. well, while i was in the 'facilities', lois had come in to give him the credit card (since they were old pumps and lacked the pay at the pump). as she prepared to pump, he had turned out all the lights (like we were gonna attract half the automobile traffic on west colfax) and turned off the pumps as well.

i had just come out of the bathroom when lois came back in and told the guy that she wasn't able to pump the gas. so, meester joikoff acted like she was a fool and prepared to go out there and prove it. red flags all around... well, we nicely asked for our credit card back and he took offense, asking if she had a tough/bad day. yeah, i know you guys would have chimed in, "WELL, WE ARE NOW YOU POMPOUS, DISRESPECTING MFKKER!" what is with some people nowadays? from the way they act, it's like the whole world dumped on them. sorry pal, you ain't the only one...so save yer shit and fling it in yer own house.

and of course, that was when we headed south on sheridan and found a Sinclair (w/ old pumps too...like there's some pattern here). of course, super psycho stupid christ figure was there harassing everyone. AND the guy was getting in Lois' face...saying that he was the grandson of JC (THAT'S a good one!). man, i had to hold Lois back, she was cussin'/hollerin' and ready to swing. the punk ass kid looked truly scared.

well, he went out to his mongo huge car, a white, early 60's whale, and was acting strangely, when he came back in and started talking about honor and Samurai. the poor dumbass was going off the deep end...

of course, he's trying to preach religion w/ lois, who taught Sunday school in Texas (Baptist) and Colorado (Methodist) for many years and rap Samurai w/ me (something i taught at the art museum for two years) - bad move. i know we should have totally shown how much of a mental midget he really is, but they sometimes resort to violence because they have no answer for your brilliant retort...so ya gotta humor the dumb beast.

so monkey boy (i shouldn't lump them w/ this lame excuse for a human though)...let's call him Stegosaurus boy instead (it's nicer than pea-sized brain) came in and wanted me to shake hands like a Samurai. of course, being the 'honorable' Asian that i am, i told him that i had no idea what he was talking about since i wasn't Japanese. he assumed that i was Korean...nope. so he resorted and retreated, saying (in his best Beavis&Butthead), "...but you're oriental (try Asian, you asshat)." and you're fuckin' stupid and high...GO AWAY! geez, what is it? the proverbial woodwork must be pukin' creeps and joiks!

one more joik today. the person that came to take my dad for an MRI was totally clueless and impatient. he unplugged the hanging IV stand to which my dad was attached, and believed that he could carry the box and bag and chaperone my father with his walker. WHAT are you thinking? just get the nurse and a gurney!!!

of course, to his brainless chagrin, we get the nurse and gurney. dad is unhooked and we help him into the gurney. full knowing that he had lost 'control' of the situation, the then goon ordered me to get dad's pillow...AND snapped his fingers. GRRRR...that set me off.

little man, you have no right to snap your fingers at anyone, especially when you are the least qualified to do so! it may be appropriate for your kids (god forbid you would procreate *shiver*) or your misbehaving dog, but that's totally out of line in a hospital setting. are you there to help or to prove your idiocy? if it's the former, you should find another job. and the latter? well, give that man a raise...

you know, you were pretty lucky to have gotten such a caring position. i saw the hospital employment ad, asking for a warm body that's just a notch under a total waste of space. yep, you were definitely the most qualified. either that or St. Joe's was completely desperate to fill the position because i know some unemployed (and extremely qualified) people who are looking for jobs in the health care industry and have been passed over or not even considered.

you sir, should play chicken (blindfolded) w/ an 18-wheeler...or here, you can juggle these (a chainsaw, a beaker of hydrochloric acid, and an elephant with weak bowels).

i feel SO much better...

btw, i want to add another facet to Mercury retrograde. in addition to awry communication and general delays, dickheads come out of the woodwork. so look out for the shit magnet until mid-morning April 30th, when Mercury retrograde ends...