would you like...

an extra side of klutz with yer order, sir?

shhh-eeee-yit!

there are six or seven frozen dinners that are languishing in the freezer. why? because i've been trying to be good with a changed diet. no longer can i come upstairs for a surreptitious pot pie...no more to frozen burritos that ooze nuclear cheese and 30 grams of fat in just one five ounce serving. no. lois has lost 20 lbs. and i may as well try to drop half that before we go to Spain.

so...all i can say is that the devil made me do it.
huh?
what did he make you do?
dammit, he called me over to the freezer and made me heat up Michelina's Noodles Stroganoff.
no harm done, right?
you need to 'cheat', i mean, 'treat' yourself once in a while...

okay. so instead of throwing out all that evil goodness in the freezer, i let it call me like the Sirens, beckoning Jason and the Argonauts...come to your doom!

anyway, you know what i'm talking about, right? those rectangular boxes that you have to vent when you cook 'em? yeah...yeah. lift up a corner of the box, cook for x minutes, take out and stir, and put it back in the microwave for another minute. when it's done, let it stand for another minute or two. CAUTION! CONTENTS MAY BE HOT! no shit...

well, i had just pulled the box outta the zapper...pivoted...and headed towards the breakfast nook, when (wouldn't ya know it) the slippery fokker whizzes out of my hands and lands squarely upside down on the carpet. heh for you, but not for me.

this is the same carpet that lois would kick some ass over. it's off limits for the dogs unless we're in there too. people who walk over there with shoes on get double daggers in their reproductive organs and eyes (nah...it's not that bad, but you get the gist of it ;)

so in a total panic, i hurriedly scoop up the stroganoff pile in record time with my fingers (it was SO freakin' hot) and a large spoon. not wanting the light brown spot to set, i rushed over to the kitchen sink and got the spray bottle that has the magic solution for dog accident removal. and with about ten paper towels, i got it all up...without even a slight smudge. whew! luckily, this carpet isn't all white. rather, it has some light rust and brown accents in it.

oh, and btw, i ate the stuff. after all, the three second rule applied, right? moreover, it was still hot. i'm just wondering if that's how it really tastes or if the seasoning was enhanced some by shoe dirt, dog butt, and woolen threads...hmmm.

guess i'll have to visit the Sirens again and pull another box out...i just gotsta know ;)