quietly lurking...

haven't had much to say lately (yeah, i know i've said that before and ultimately have proven myself wrong), so i've resorted to reading everyone else's news a couple times a day. does that make me a manic reader? a blog-stalker? a boring boob?

i see that Denny is battling some strange illness with West Nile-like symptoms that includes a free sample of 'how to make yerself look like a human zit.' cool, how many points is Oxy 10's stock gonna go up?

two words for ya - beetle tea. i know it sounds gross, but Chinese acupuncturists prescribe a tea that is partially made with beetle carpaces for skin afflictions. my mom and lois had to drink it for shingles treatment and my sister, shirley, had to down it for eczema problems. it works though. a combination of needling and these 'herbs' accelerated recovery from these two dermatological nuisances.

i have heard that adult-onset shingles can trouble you for many months after the acute symptoms go away. for some, the nerves' ghost pains can even last a year to eighteen months. both my mom and lois were fine within two months; totally problem free afterwards. i'm sure i would have been bonkers...

luckily though, i haven't had shingles. unfortunately, i have had chicken pox, so there is a chance i may get shingles someday...ugh...probably only a minimal chance though. however, i have had to drink some really strange tea that my acupuncturist prescribed. it was for labyrinthitis, which is viral infection that affects part of your inner ear, by causing the labyrinth (which controls your equilibrium) to swell. it causes dizziness, loss of balance, vomiting, and sensitivity to light. in a way, it affects your back as well, like meningitis...but it isn't bacterial (like mening...), so you wouldn't need the spinal tap - thank GOD! and fortunately, it's not super contagious and life-threatening like mening... still, it's crappy enough to wish upon a worst enemy heh

i contracted labyrinthitis about seven years ago. i remember turning off the alarm...getting out of bed... and not being able to walk a straight line to the door. it was not as fun as being way drunk either. the room was spinning REAALLYY fast; imagine speeding up the tilt-a-whirl and not being able to get off - THAT'S what it's like. i did not know what was going on. furthermore, i did not realize that i was going to be in my bathroom, worshipping that all holy porcelain god, for the next few hours. the spinning was so bad, i could not open my eyes without being sick...and the dry heaving was the worst. i ended up sleeping in the bathroom out of a matter of convenience and comfort - yikes!

anyway, to make a long story short, i went to emergency...scared the shit out of the people waiting in line with me...and got back home at around midnight, with some lame pills that only worked for a day or two to help my dizziness. in fact, the only thing that truly helped my labyrinthitis was getting needled and drinking the chinese herbs.

the acupuncture was really effective. my acupuncturist, Dr. Patty Wang (no relation...her 'Wang' means 'king' in chinese...my 'Wong' means 'yellow'), told me that (in acupuncture) the heavy work would be done on my legs and back...and that i would notice an increase in my urine production. NO...I WASN'T PEEING LIKE A RACEHORSE ;) after about 4 or 5 treatments (and gallons of pee ;), i was about 90 percent better. still, it would be almost two more months before i could walk or drive coherently enough to go to work.

yet, all that needling would have been less effective had it not been supplemented with the odd tea that i had to drink. instead of beetle tea, she prescribed something called 'Dragon Rock' tea. it was a really weird, black hunk that dissolved in the hot water and made for some FREAKIN' EVIL tastin' tea. i think i had to drink it twice a day. god, it tasted so bad warm that i had to refrigerate it and drink it cold, which actually made it a little more palatable...but nothing even approaching pleasant!

it's not that the tea was putrid or smelly, it was just head bashing bitter. if you weren't so paralyzed by the taste, it could probably make you cry...once you got out of the coma.

you know, maybe that's the power of the chinese herbs... i am convinced that they taste so bad because it allows your mind to tell your body to either get better or suffer the consequences by gagging more tea down! you're sitting there saying, 'fuckfuckfuck, i gotta get better! one more batch of that tea and i'm gonna hafta get a gun...'

so denny, if you don't get better...and you need to see an acupuncturist...come on up! just make sure you use Lois' famous line when she gets the herbs, "Are these ingredients animal or vegetable?" sometimes, if it's not that serious, she gives you pills...and that's like hitting the chinese herb lottery! oh, you're giving me a (Monopoly) pass out of beetle tea? whoohoo!